After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
