My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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