Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
