I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
