Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
