pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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