girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize