i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You were trust falling into bushes
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
