for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
