can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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