Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
