I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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