she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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