Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
