Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Who died my cat blue again?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize