the new term for farting is butt boxing.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
