I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
