she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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