at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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