We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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