Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize