Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
