One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
