Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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