How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
