I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
