We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
