i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
