Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
