I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
