You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
