brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize