I am spending my child support on dildos
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
