Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The power of my boobs compel you
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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