Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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