from now on my penis is your penis
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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