Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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