They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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