I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
