well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
