I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
