just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize