Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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