I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
