I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
