omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
