Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
