I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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