when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Semen is not good for contacts.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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