i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
