I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Welp...herpes.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
