I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
