just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
