It's Friday. Sex?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
