I smell stomach acid.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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