you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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