You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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