Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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