girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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