She announced her abortion via fbk
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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