I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
