Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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