Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I came so hard my ears popped.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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