Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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