That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
