Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
