do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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