Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
