There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize