Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
