just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
