Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
