So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
