My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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