If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
